Mi Dispiace: I'm Sorry
by Vic'chonn
Summary: Will be taken down for revision and then reposted How to say I'm sorry when you're not there any more? The song of a child as the sun sets down and memories come back. PostSeisouhen.


Hello,

I re-did this because there were some mistakes in the translation (of the song) that were bothering me – of course, there are still some mistakes or awkward sentences but I can't do much since I'm direct translating and there are just some words in Spanish that are difficult fitting in the English language. I hope it's much better than before.

That aside, I also wanted to point out that the song has two versions: Spanish and Italian – which I suppose it's the original one hence the Italian title. Additionally, the singer is a** woman**, therefore, the lyrics are written from a **female perspective**. I didn't change anything in the lyrics because I thought that the voice of the song doesn't matter that much as long as the message it wants to transmit is perceived by the readers.

Vic

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**Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is not mine as well as Mi Dispiace, which belongs to Laura Pausini**

**Mi Dispiace**

_Mamá__, he soñado que llamabas a mi puerta,_

**Mamma, I dreamed that you called at my door**

_un__ poco tensa y con la gafas empañadas._

**a**** little bit tense and your glasses wet.**

_Querías__ verme bien y fue la vez primera,_

**You wanted to see me and it was the first time**

_sentía__ que sabías __como__ te añoraba._

**I felt that you knew how much I missed you.**

Here I stand, under the moonlight inside of this old dojo. How long has it been since I've been here?

I walk slowly and stare at the plaques one by one. Some names sound familiar, others, I just ignore. However, there's one in particular that catches my attention and I sit in front of it. My fingertips reach to it and I caress the carved letters carefully, with such fervor, with such love.

_Y me abrazaste mientras te maravillabas_

**And you hugged me while you wondered **

_de__ que aguantara triste y casi sin aliento…_

**how**** much I could hold despite the sadness, almost breathless…**

_Hace__ ya tanto que no estamos abrazadas_.

**It has been so long since we hugged each other.**

_Y en el silencio me dijiste: lo siento. _

**And in the silence you told me: I'm sorry.**

I never told her how much I loved her. She knew by my actions that I did, but just like those whom she held dear, I never actually uttered the words to her.

I only showed her.

_Pero__ ha bastado un ruido para despertarme,_

**But it was enough for a single noise to wake me up,**

_para__ llorar y para hacer que regresara_

**so**** I could cry and go back**

_a__ aquellos días que de niña me cuidabas,_

**to**** those childish years when you looked after me,**

_donde__ en verano cielo y playa se juntaban._

**when**** in the summer, sky and sea were just one.**

I recall when she would come to my room, after she heard some of my cries. She would stay with me, caressing my hair and tell me softly that she was there, for me.

She would smile at me when sadness overcame me, and she would hold my hand when I felt that I was lost in this vast world.

Her radiant blue eyes would tell me of her love, her joy when she saw me smile, when I hugged her back, when I walked with her side by side on the streets.

Sometimes we would hear cruel comments towards me, angry words that she learned to ignore, words that were washed away by the rain when it fell softly on the earth as grey clouds gathered in the sky. And then, it would go away. All the grey would be replaced by a colorful rainbow… one that made me forget their cruelty and remember her sparkling face, her cheerfulness… Her.

"Don't let the clouds deprive you of this beauty," she would say while looking up to the sky, "rain will always come, but it will also go away leaving something to admire, to hold dear in your memories and your heart."

She would squeeze my hand and then fondly caress my cheek. I would lean against her touch, and I would return her smile.

_Mientras__ con mi muñeca vieja te escuchaba_

**When I played with my old doll as I listened **

_los__ cuentos que tú cada noche me contabas,_

**to**** the stories you told me every night,**

_y__ cuando más pequeña tú me acurrucabas,_

**And when I was even younger and you hold me close,**

_y__ adormecida en tu regazo yo soñaba._

**and**** sleepy I lay on your lap.**

Too concentrated in my thoughts, I don't hear the figure entering the dojo and sitting beside me.

I feel a hand on my shoulders, and when he tells me not to cry anymore, it's when I realize I have been shedding silent tears.

I tell him I am okay and that I will go to bed soon; however, for now, I want to stay in this dojo and remember her.

How much I miss her.

_Pero__ a los dieciséis sentí como cambiaba,_

**But once I was sixteen I felt how I was changing,**

_y__como__ soy realmente ahora me veía,_

**and**** how I am now, I saw myself,**

_y__ me sentí tan sola y tan desesperada_

**and**** I felt so alone, so desperate**

_porque__ yo no era ya la hija que quería._

**because**** I wasn't the daughter I wanted to be.**

I remember when I left her, she cried, but she let me go nonetheless. She knew I wanted – needed – to go and find my own answers. And I'm glad, somehow, that she understood me at the time. But still, the guilt of leaving her was kept deep inside my heart.

_Y fue el final así de nuestra confianza,_

**That was the end of our mutual trust,**

_de__ las pequeñas charlas que ayudaban tanto._

**of**** the small talks that helped so much.**

_Yo__ me escondí tras una gélida impaciencia,_

**I hid myself behind gelid impatience,**

_y__ tú deseaste el hijo que se te ha negado._

**and**** you wished to have the son that was denied to you.**

_Y me pasaba el día sin volver a casa,_

**And I spent my days away from home,**

_no__ soportaba tus sermones para nada,_

**I couldn't stand your lectures at all,**

_y__ comencé a volverme yo también celosa,_

**and**** I became jealous as well,**

_porque__ eras casi inalcanzable, tan hermosa._

**because**** you were almost unreachable, so beautiful.**

When I came back, I knew it wouldn't be long before she had to go just like him; both had to go.

Thanks to her, I understood that he loved me as well, that he loved both of us. I never saw that, I was too angry. At him at the beginning for going back and forth, and at her – a little bit later – when she never reproached him, but instead, supported him and waited patiently for his return.

I understood then when I went away, and I today understand even more now that the two of them are already gone.

They had their own pact, a silent promise that held together their hearts.

They both loved me, and they both did the best to create the new world I'm living at now.

_Y abandoné mi sueño a falta de equipaje,_

**And I abandoned my dream because there was no baggage in tow,**

_mi__ corazón al mar tiré en una vasija,_

**I threw my heart into the ocean inside a vase,**

_perdí__ hasta la memoria por falta de coraje,_

**I even lost my memory because I lacked the courage,**

_porque__ me avergonzaba tanto ser tu hija._

**because**** I was so ashamed of being your daughter.**

**No, no, no, no, no.**

I was so angry, so mad at them… I regret I didn't come back earlier. I was too fool, too stubborn to give in. Instead, I kept lying to myself, I kept believing that both would come to me and ask for forgiveness when it was the other way around. Nonetheless, I came back, and I could say sorry to both of them.

The little time I spent with him was worth it more than I thought. I learned a lot about him and that made me love him even more. Yes, I loved him despite his deceptions. But at the same time, it made me love her even more as well. To know about her strength, about her stubbornness, about her spirit, and her kind heart; it made me feel proud of being their child, the child of two warriors.

_Mas__ no llamaste tú a mi puerta,_

**But you never called at my door,**

_inútilmente__ tuve un sueño que no_

**I just had a dream**

_puede__ realizarse,_

**that**** can't become true,**

_mi__ pensamiento está tan lleno __del__ presente_

**my**** thoughts are so full of the present**

_que__ mi orgullo no me deja perdonarme._

**that**** my pride doesn't allow me to forgive myself.**

She left a few weeks after he did. She was pained because of his departure but she knew that she would join him soon. That helped her to feel more at ease, that and the fact that I was finally at home.

I promised her I would take care of this dojo, her home, one of the few legacies her father had left to her. I promised her I would never forget their lives, their stories, their tears, and all the hardships they went through to establish a quiet life, a home, a family to love.

I told her that I thanked her for being there for me, all the time. I told her that she would be always in my heart. Both of them.

_Mas__ si llamases a mi puerta en otro sueño,_

**But if you call at my door in another dream,**

_no__ lograría pronunciar una palabra,_

**I wouldn't be able to utter a word,**

_me__ mirarías con tu gesto tan severo_

**you**** would look at me with severe eyes**

_y__ yo me sentiría cada vez mas sola._

**and**** I would feel even lonelier.**

Sometimes, at night, especially during the season when cherry blossoms fall gracefully from the trees – when I feel so alone – I can feel their presence. I can feel them wandering together from one room to the other, and I swear I can hear voices whispering so softly that I miss what they might be saying. These sounds are here, nonetheless, and sometimes, I can hear a "I love you," or "You're doing a great job."

But there are days when I only hear him, when the wind sings and dances in the cool night. I hear him saying that he's proud of me, that he loves me, that he misses me. Other nights, I only hear her. I hear her singing to me the old lullabies she taught me when I was a child, I hear her saying – just like him – that she's proud of me, that she loves me.

And I also hear her saying that she forgives me, that she already did long ago, for leaving her when she probably needed me the most during her sickness, for being such an ungrateful son, for being so full of myself.

_Por__ eso estoy en esta carta tan confusa,_

**That's why I am so confused in this letter,**

_para__ encontrar algo de paz en lo que pienso,_

**I want to find peace in my mind,**

_no__ para reclamarte ni pedirte excusas,_

**I don't want to reprimand you or ask for excuses,**

_es__ solo para decirte, mama: lo siento._

**I only want to say, mamma: I'm sorry.**

_Y no es verdad que yo me sienta_

**And it is not true that I feel**

_avergonzada_

**ashamed**

_son__ nuestra __almas__ tan igual, tan parecidas._

**our**** souls are so similar, so alike.**

And that's when I wish she could be here again, so I could repeat to her, tell her that I'm sorry. For all those times, for all the tears I made her shed.

So I could tell her that I love her.

I never told her. I never told them. And when I was given the chance, I couldn't manage myself to do it. Not because I was a coward, but because I preferred to hear them talk, to listen to them and stay silent so I could engrave their voices in my soul and never forget how they sounded like.

A hand rests on my shoulder again and tells me that I have to sleep. And that he is serious this time.

"Kenji, it's late." He repeats again.

"Thank you, Yahiko. I will retire now." I say as I stand up.

_Esperaré__ pacientemente aquí sentada,_

**I will wait sitting patiently in here,**

_te__ quiero tanto mama...escríbeme...tu hija._

**I love you so much, mamma… write to me… your daughter.**

At the door, I take a last glance to the place and to the plaque hanging on the wall. Her name is craved on the old material but it's still legible.

A smile crosses my lips.

It only shows– and reassures – the fighter she was.

I sigh and close the door. Suddenly, something lands on one of my sleeves. It is a soft pink petal.

I smile again and I look at the starred sky.

The wind picks up and I can hear it whistle. Murmurs reach my ears and I nod my head as tears start to fall from my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just miss you. I promise I won't let you down." I whisper. "I love you, too. Dad, mom..."

The wind caresses my cheeks and I know it's their touch.

I go back to my room and lay down on my futon.

Life goes on and after a sunset, there's always a sunrise. I don't know how long I will stay in this world, but when I leave, I'll be waiting to meet them again.

But in the meantime, I'll live each day in its fullest, for me, for them.

_"I'll be waiting for you. Don't leave me alone. I miss you."_

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Ok, so some parts don't fit at all, but I tried my best. I really love this song and the message it carries with it. I love my mom very dearly and she's the best friend I could ask for. I love my father very much as well, and that's why I couldn't leave Kenshin aside in the story, because although he did miss a lot with his son, he still loved him and did what he thought would be the best to safeguard his future.

Happy to receive any comments,

Vic


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